abbasax

Here's more Daily Show goodness to cover for my appalling lack of creativity up my updates. 

Got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight- Bruce Cockburn, Lovers In A Dangerous Time

So, I have question of everyone, something I've been meaning to ask for a while. In your opinion has there been a new type of musical style has has broken into popular culture, and if so give an example of a band that you feel exemplifies the style. You don't need to like the style or the band, but it has to be something that you feel most people on the street would recognize. Here's a couple of examples from some past decades: 90's- Grunge- Nirvana. 80's-Alternative-R.E.M.

Continuing my "I'm too lazy to do real posts" trend, please sample a clip from that little known program The Daily Show

And yet, somehow, he's more frightening here then he ever is in a comic....

... by that I mean Saturday Night Live. Comics are still good. Well, unless they're from Marvel. El Bastardos.

Run, run away from everything we'd ever hoped for- Barenaked Ladies, Wind Me Up


The Bravery concert taught the following life lessons. I hope you get as much out of them as I did.

1-  Ludo is not that bad. Not that bad at all.

2- When crowd surfing, you shouldn't land on your head.

3-  Story of the Year really knows how to close a set.

4- Sadly, UVSC (or UVU, or whatever the fuck it's called this week) doesn't know how to put on a show.

5- Luckily, The Bravery does.

6-  I'm not the only person to have a good relationship with their ex-wife.

7-  The smallest particle in the universe is the ankle of any (non-drummer) member of The Bravery.

8- God may not play dice with the universe, but some guy dancing in the crowd does.

9- There is no number nine (OK, I _already_ knew that one. Sue me).

I’ve been burned before, you’re not fooling me there’s no mystery you've forgotten what you’re hiding for. Call it self-defense, you can obfuscate and manipulate but it’s only at your own expense- Easy, Barenaked Ladies

Everyday it gets a little easier.



I'm still waiting for the enigmatic March to step on me like a bug though.


Stupid March.

I don't wanna go out like the moonlight, I don't wanna be found at the sound of the bell- Vercua Salt, Sound of the Bell


This post poses the question that we've all thought about at one time or another: Why are the people in self check-out lines fucking morons. I posit that through the careful use of the scientific method, one can prove this abnormal pattern of sociology.

1- Use your experience: I've found, by standing an interminable about of time standing behind people in self check-out lines, that they seem to be fucking morons.
2- Form a conjecture: There's some kind of mysterious power that radiates from self check lines causing it's users to become fucking morons.
3-Deduce a prediction: If you were to take an otherwise intelligent person and place them before the self check-out line, their IQ will drop sharply until it reaches that a fucking moron.
4-Test: Not willing to subject and innocent life to the arcane and sinister power of the self check-out line, I've decided to text the theory on myself.

Conclusion:  After standing before a bunch of fucking morons for, quite possible hours, I've discovered that I have, indeed, become a fucking moron myself.

But I'm a fucking moron in the name of science.

 Yesterday I was IMing my friend Causey about some of my recent woes (Hey! He asked....) he's a small sampling of our conversation:

me: I just wish I could emotionally settle on sad or mad. I'm getting sick of the mood swings. I'm such a chick....
him: go eat a gallon of fudge ripple ice-cream then cry yourself to sleep looking at a picture of Clay Aiken you girl.
me: Dude, you fuckin' rock.
him: just let me know when you remember that you have a dick between your legs.
me: Was that a come-on?

Yes, with friends like that watching my six, how could I worry about anything? He reminded me that I need to get some raw meat and cowboy up! That I need to throw some dirt on it and walk it off! Listen to some heavy metal and yell "fuck" a lot! That I need to go get piss drunk and kill a hooker! Er, I mean, listen to some heavy metal and yell "fuck" a lot! First though, I need to go rent Sixteen Candles, throw on some pjs,  paint my toenails and hold close a picture of Clay Aiken.

All of my life, I've been searching for the words to say how I feel.- Phil Collins, All Of My Life

Guess what I did today. I'll give you a hint. It's in the subject line. Think about. I'll wait. Come on, it's not tough. Just think of it more like a game, then like a test. OK, got it? If you said "Walked", then Sparky, you get a gold star. Yep. I walked. Dear Lord, did I walk. For nearly three hours I walked. I only called a "Fucker" once, so it wasn't a bad experience. As a matter of fact, it was the only real interesting part of the evening. Unless you count me selling some some cigarettes to a random stranger, or being laughed at by a bunch of fourteen year old asshats, or sweating like a junkie because I was too hot with the trench and yet too cold without.
It's these kind of pleasant evenings that remind me why I've always enjoyed walking.
Seriously, once all the excitement was over, it was quite a nice walk. My brain's been either traveling 1000 miles per hour, or just sitting dead still for the last few weeks. Tonight, it almost reached a happy medium.
Then I got home and was ass raped by Trent Reznor on Rock Band.
Eh, all things being equal it was a good night I suppose, though I'm really hoping the weather will hold like this so I can start riding my bike to work.

(Sadly, it's not as dirty as it sounds)

To reiterate the rules: Pick ten of your favorite movie quotes, strike them through when someone guess them. Contestants, please no googling.

1- He's fucking with us! You see this? This is us!

2- If we're wrong we'll go to jail peacefully, quietly. We'll enjoy it.

3- That's because I'm a master of *snap* Nameiology.

4- It was like the universe opens up and points at you and says "AHH There you are! The happy couple, I've been looking for you!

5- I got to tell you, I give this whole thing a sphincter-factor of about 9.5.

6- Well that's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word.

7- It's kinda like Moonlighting, isn't it?

8- Now I have a machine gun. Ho. Ho. Ho.

9- I only lied about being a thief, and I don't do that anymore.

10- Son of a bitch must pay!

When you're loony, then you just don't give a fig. Man's so puny, and the universe so big. If you hurt inside, get certified, and if life should treat you bad... don't get even, get mad!- Joker, The Killing Joke


I  had this long winded post all planed out at work today, but I read my opening quote, and really, that says it all. Pick up The Killing Joke from your favorite book seller. It is the definitive Joker story.

Also check out:

A Death in the Family
Arkham Asylum
Emperor Joker
and Rock of Ages

Smoke a cigarette and lie some more, these conversations kill.- Stone Temple Pilots, Big Empty


This is not really a update, though it is a post. See, it's not an update because I'm not going to tell you anything worthwhile about anything. Nope. I'm gonna keep you guessing. Am I gonna zig? You don't know. Am I gonna zag? You just don't know. Am I gonna duck? Dude, you just don't know. Am I gonna cover? Let it go man, just let it go. It won't do you any good to try to figure it out. It'll cause ya nothing but a headache. I'll give ya nothing but a migraine. It's like reading fine print: you squint and scowl but in the end you just sign on the dotted line. Or maybe it's nothing like that. See? Zig-zag man. Zig-zag.

I'm tripping I'm sliding around, that's ok at least I'm excited.- Lisa Loeb, Fools Like Me


Let me start this off with full, unconditionally honesty: The subject line has nothing to do with this entry. Nope, I was listening to some music earlier and I misheard a lyric. I thought that was an amazing line, and I was morbidly sad that I hadn't thought of it. When I discovered that I did think of it... well, I'm sure you can imagine my glee was only rivaled by that of a gigolo who finally got a cream to take care of that burning rash. As soon as I get the time, that line will go straight into The CookieJar. Hm. OK, I guess I'm a liar because the subject did have something to do with this entry. Isn't it ironic... don't you think? No. No, I don't.
So, whats keeping me to busy to write one simple poem? Glad you asked. I'm still tying to find my voice for my Changeling game (apparently I can't speak gangsta. This surprises me as I've busted my fair share of caps. Perhaps this will help me.), I have my D&D game starting up. Rappan Athuk. God, that's such a fun thing to say. Go ahead and say it. Say it. SAY. IT. See? Felt good, didn't it? I have a bunch of work related at home work that I should do (NDAs prevent me from saying anything more). And, of course, I have the specter of NaNoWriMo lurking over my shoulder....

Fetishize your beauty, the scars that you don't hide- Juliana Hatfield, Cool Rock Boy

So as you may or may not know, I recently got contacts. I'm still adjusting to them. It takes me something like 30 minutes to put the damn things in, but it's well worth it. I wish I would have gotten them years ago. I've been completely surprised by the boost of self confidence that I didn't even know I was missing since I started wearing them. I guess I've thought about myself as a lame glasses wearing geek that it never even occurred to me that I could be something different. Now mind you, I'm still a lame geek, that hasn't changed at all... but to paraphrase  Vinnie from My Blue Heaven sometimes you have to change from the outside, in.

The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide.- R.E.M., It's The End Of The World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)


I've been told that your first entry is the hook to get people to read the second. But it's the second that needs to pull them in to stay for the long run. So I've put together a checklist of the things that  this entry needs to be or I'll turn everyone away and live a miserable life in a broken down tree house surrounded only by pecking birds, before finally being lost to the elements on a cold winter night.
So. No pressure.

Anyway, my list

• Insightful
• Funny
• Confessional
• Entertaining

First off, Insightful: Over the last few months I've paid a little more attention to politics and world events. I've noticed that it seems like the more technology we have to able to witness, commentate and respond to events across the globe, the more we withdraw into our own personal worlds. The larger worldview we have the more we magnify our own problems. If the world is truly getting worse, I think it's just because we've learned how to ignore it better.

Next, Funny: This is tough one because anyone that knows me knows I have no sense of humor. I've often been mistaken for a radio talk show host because of my seeming lack of comedic timing. So, I'm forced to fall back upon something that I've been told is guaranteed to get laughs. *ahem* Butts. lol.

Confessional: I've lived most of my life feeling unworthy of living. Some days I worry that I'm wrong and that I've wasted too much time doing nothing. Some days I feel like I'm right and to believe otherwise is to offer myself false hope.

And finally Entertaining: *tap dances while scatting and juggling two chainsaws and a kitten*

So, there you have it. By my calculations every entry I post from now until the end of days will be read and enjoyed by millions of people regardless of shitty it is. 

You're going to be seeing this a lot on this journal, so lets get all the giggles out now. Panties panties panties panties. Now that we have that out of the way, lets get down to brass tacks. I have a blog and another blog and a sporadic pod cast and a myspace, but yet you wanted more. Now you've got it! OK, OK. The real reason is I got tired of needing to post on peoples LJ's as a shadowy figure of anonymity and not being able to see all the juice life secrets they post in their Friend's Only section! I'm all about the rumor mill!
I'll will honestly try to update this at least half as much as my blog but I can't make any promises. Because making a promise you don't intend to keep is called a lie.


Abbasax- panties panties panties